The London way

Words for advice for those in London:
1. Stay left
2. The Oyster card is everything - if you don't have one you are a tourist
3. The idea that Wembley central has luxurious apartments is a lie - they do have good curry though..
4. frank mail is not 'a very honest letter' - it is pre-paid mail
5. Keep left
6. A chav is not a very nice thing to be called - on the other hand, if you are a chav you probably don't give a damn what people may call you.
7. Look right then left
8. When in doubt, don't cross in front of a double decker bus headed your way
9. Pants are trousers - don't refer to them as pants - no one has a bloody clue what pants are
10. On the other hand, jeans are still jeans
11. Primark is like Winners & Walmart on a wicked acid trip
12. Kensington Gardens is beautiful & worth the walking around
13. Keep left
14. central heating doesn't exist in older homes
15. A high-powered shower is a normal shower in Canada
16. Black is your best friend - black shirt, black trousers, black pantyhose
17. A 'fanny' is not referring to a rear end
18. If you are walking in certain areas (Alberton) you may stand out like a very strange sheep wearing baby pink sunglasses and an orange polka dotted umbrella on the serengeti
19. There is actually a shop that sells nothing but umbrellas
20. If you want food in a pub - walk up to the bar
21. Keep left
22. Leicester Square has discount tickets for all major shows especially during the week - use it
23. When someone says they want their tea or coffee dirty - they mean they want it with one milk. If they say they want it white they want it with two milks and possibly sugar
24. In certain parts of Ireland don't mention the name Woody Allen - some of the locals still haven't forgiven him for what he did to Mia Farrow
25. Get a Londoner's A-Z to find streets - google maps lie!
26. If you want to see the British Museum, Tate Modern, the National Portrait Gallery, The National Gallery and some others - it's free
27. The Tower of London & Madame Tussaud's is most certainly not
28. the Borrough market is great for food, Camden & Portebello for clothes and other stuff
29. A jacket potatoe is a great little meal
30. Street meat barely exists
31. Bacon is different, and usually not as well done
32. There is some strange fascination with sausage...
33. Carphone warehouse has £9 cellphones for those who don't need anything fancy
34. everyone has a mobile (cellphone)
35. Marks & Spencer can refer to a grocer as well as a clothing store - make sure you know what you're getting into when you wlk in the door
36. Stay left